It's the biggest move of his career and guess what? it's off the court.
Jason Collins, who played
with the NBA's Boston Celtics and Washington Wizards this season, has
disclosed that he is gay, making him the first active openly gay male
athlete in the four major American pro team sports.
The center, who said he is now a free agent, made the disclosure in a column appearing in the upcoming issue of Sports Illustrated. Read it below
I'm a 34-year-old NBA center. I'm black. And I'm gay. I didn't set out to be the first openly gay athlete playing in a
major American team sport. But since I am, I'm happy to start the
conversation. I wish I wasn't the kid in the classroom raising his hand and
saying, "I'm different." If I had my way, someone else would have
already done this. Nobody has, which is why I'm raising my hand,"
My journey of self-discovery and self-acknowledgement began in my
hometown of Los Angeles and has taken me through two state high school
championships, the NCAA Final Four and the Elite Eight, and nine
playoffs in 12 NBA seasons.
I've played for six pro teams and have appeared in two NBA Finals. Ever
heard of a parlor game called Three Degrees of Jason Collins? If you're
in the league, and I haven't been your teammate, I surely have been one
of your teammates' teammates. Or one of your teammates' teammates'
teammates.
Now I'm a free agent, literally and figuratively. I've reached that
enviable state in life in which I can do pretty much what I want. And
what I want is to continue to play basketball. I still love the game,
and I still have something to offer. My coaches and teammates recognize
that. At the same time, I want to be genuine and authentic and truthful.
Why am I coming out now? Well, I started thinking about this in 2011
during the NBA player lockout. I'm a creature of routine. When the
regular season ends I immediately dedicate myself to getting game ready
for the opener of the next campaign in the fall. But the lockout wreaked
havoc on my habits and forced me to confront who I really am and what I
really want. With the season delayed, I trained and worked out. But I
lacked the distraction that basketball had always provided.
The first relative I came out to was my aunt Teri, a superior court
judge in San Francisco. Her reaction surprised me. "I've known you were
gay for years," she said. From that moment on I was comfortable in my
own skin. In her presence I ignored my censor button for the first time.
She gave me support. The relief I felt was a sweet release. Imagine
you're in the oven, baking. Some of us know and accept our sexuality
right away and some need more time to cook. I should know -- I baked for
33 years.
When I was younger I dated women. I even got engaged. I thought I had to
live a certain way. I thought I needed to marry a woman and raise kids
with her. I kept telling myself the sky was red, but I always knew it
was blue.
I realized I needed to go public when Joe Kennedy, my old roommate at
Stanford and now a Massachusetts congressman, told me he had just
marched in Boston's 2012 Gay Pride Parade. I'm seldom jealous of others,
but hearing what Joe had done filled me with envy. I was proud of him
for participating but angry that as a closeted gay man I couldn't even
cheer my straight friend on as a spectator. If I'd been questioned, I
would have concocted half truths. What a shame to have to lie at a
celebration of pride. I want to do the right thing and not hide anymore.
I want to march for tolerance, acceptance and understanding. I want to
take a stand and say, "Me, too."
Imagine you're in the oven, baking.
Some of us know and accept our sexuality right away and some need more
time to cook. I should know - I baked for 33 years.
The recent Boston Marathon bombing reinforced the notion that I
shouldn't wait for the circumstances of my coming out to be perfect.
Things can change in an instant, so why not live truthfully? When I told
Joe a few weeks ago that I was gay, he was grateful that I trusted him.
He asked me to join him in 2013. We'll be marching on June 8.
No one wants to live in fear. I've always been scared of saying the
wrong thing. I don't sleep well. I never have. But each time I tell
another person, I feel stronger and sleep a little more soundly. It
takes an enormous amount of energy to guard such a big secret. I've
endured years of misery and gone to enormous lengths to live a lie. I
was certain that my world would fall apart if anyone knew. And yet when I
acknowledged my sexuality I felt whole for the first time. I still had
the same sense of humor, I still had the same mannerisms and my friends
still had my back.
Believe it or not, my family has had bigger shocks. Strange as it seems
today, my parents expected only one child in 1978. Me. When I came out
(for the first time) the doctors congratulated my mother on her healthy,
seven-pound, one-ounce baby boy. "Wait!" said a nurse. "Here comes
another one!" The other one, who arrived eight minutes later and three
ounces heavier, was Jarron. He's followed me ever since, to Stanford and
to the NBA, and as the ever-so-slightly older brother I've looked out
for him.
I had a happy childhood in the suburbs of L.A. My parents instilled in
us an appreciation of history, art and, most important, Motown. Jarron
and I weren't allowed to listen to rap until we were 12. After our
birthday I dashed to Target and bought DJ Quik's album
Quik Is the Name.
I memorized every line. It was around this time that I began noticing
subtle differences between Jarron and me. Our twinness was no longer
synchronized. I couldn't identify with his attraction to girls.
I feel blessed that I recognized my own attractions. Though I resisted
my impulses through high school, I knew that when I was ready I had
someone to turn to: my uncle Mark in New York. I knew we could talk
without judgment, and we did last summer. Uncle Mark is gay. He and his
partner have been in a stable relationship forever. For a confused young
boy, I can think of no better role model of love and compassion.
I didn't come out to my brother until last summer. His reaction to my
breakfast revelation was radically different from Aunt Teri's. He was
downright astounded. He never suspected. So much for twin telepathy. But
by dinner that night, he was full of brotherly love. For the first time
in our lives, he wanted to step in and protect
me.
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