WHEN YOUR HUSBAND’S MISTRESS TELLS ALL IN PUBLIC

Hell Hath no fury as a woman scorned…shame knows no other abode than that of a woman whose husband’s mistress decides to kiss and tell.
Since a certain Ese Walters decided to take her alleged love affair with flamboyant jet-setting pastor, Biodun Fatoyinbo to the social media, Nigerians have been regaled with graphic descriptions of the love affair which Ese claimed was consummated several times in a London hotel.
Not many people have stopped to think about the wife and what she may be going through at the moment.
Men do these things all the time and for as long as there are tabloids and now the social media, the other woman may choose to wash all dirty linen in public.
Women as Hilary Clinton, Sandra Bullock, Mrs Tiger Woods, Victoria Beckham and hundreds more have found themselves forced into sharing unsavory limelight with mistresses they would rather not know.
Africa is a different ball game however, a man’s dalliances are seen as proof of his virility in Africa. Fatoyinbo’s case has only generated interest because he is a man of God or better put he is a popular pastor.
What should a woman do if her husband’s mistress decides to go public?
1. The first thing a woman should do as Hilary Clinton taught all of us is to keep a dignifying silence. Do not give the public the joy of seeing your unhappiness because any statement from you will only fuel the situation.
2. Get your children as distanced from the gossip as possible. If they are grown up and have access to the internet and other publications, you must take out time to talk to them. Do not place blame on your spouse before your children. Make sure you both sit down and discuss the issue with them. Children do not usually want to know who has done what, what they worry about is security, so you must bond with your spouse at this point no matter how hurt you are to assure them of your love, no matter what.
3. Your man must also take time out to be with the children and assure them that he loves them. He must prepare them for the media onslaught and educate them on how to deal with questions from friends.
4. You must both shield your children from the press. If possible take them on holiday with or without your spouse
5. Now its time to sit your spouse down and matter-of-factly ask him to tell you the whole truth. You have to be patient but firm. Find out all the details no matter how sordid and let him know the consequences if he lies.
6. Most men will usually lie at this point, hoping evidence to disprove his lie does not surface, so prepare yourself for the lie. At this point, men are all too ashamed to face their spouse and the world with the truth. So you must assure him that he is not the first and that the truth will make you hurt less and maybe stand by him, the truth will also put you in a better position to forgive him and your forgiveness will stop the shame and the other woman would have lost in the end. If you do this right, you may have started your first little step to healing.
7. The key to triumphing over Miss-Kiss-and-Tell is forgiveness. Most often, the mistress only tells when things go sour, so the affair with your man may have ended, all the mistress really wants is a pound of flesh. All men are bound to stray one time or another; it would do you a world of good to forgive and carry on.
8. A man once forgiven hardly ever strays again, the key again is to forgive.